I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
