so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Found the puke drawer
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
