thus making me awesome and them whores
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your penis caused this!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
