I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
