dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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