I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize