please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
