I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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