I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
