You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
