the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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