Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
