ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
