afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
