it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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