theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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