What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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