someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
