walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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