"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
