I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
