Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
