Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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