It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
