I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He felt like a one man threesome
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
