I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
