It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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