did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
