Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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