so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All I want is dick and wine.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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