Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
