I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
