Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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