"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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