I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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