No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
