You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
