she told me i tasted like america
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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