she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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