Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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