you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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