Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
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