dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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