my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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