I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
