But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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