whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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