Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
