The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
