I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
