i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize