I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
