I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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