i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
