we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
