Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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