A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
