Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
