Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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