So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
