Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
