he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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