Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize