Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
